The first year of holidays after a friend or family member dies is usually very difficult. (actually the second can be as bad or worse) Most people acknowledge that that, but when clients are in therapy they sometimes give a voice to what they really fear. Reactions can be complicated and confusing, especially if the the relationship wasn't 'all good", but mixed or down right problematic.
What a lot of people have said to me is "I can't do it", "it is going to be too hard', or "I'm afraid I'll start crying and won't be able to stop". I have at least 4 clients who are having their first holiday without a loved one, 3 who have lost parents and one who lost a twin brother. One client who lost her Mom had a reasonably good relationship. The others had complicated situations. They are unsure of how to memorialize their relative and say things like "I'm not sure if I loved him or not" and admit in therapy that the person wasn't perfect, had a dark side, or did something that was hard to forgive.
I encourage clients to do an activity or ritual to kind of experience the feelings. Any activity that has a beginning and end seems to give the feelings a time and place so that people can participate in some other part of the holiday and be fully present. Sitting in a chair and crying may also occur, but the "doing' something seems to work for many people. And because the planning of this "doing' takes time and thought, there is a little less time to worry about "how will I get through this?".
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